A blonde lived on a farm. He didn't get many visitors, so I went to see him...when I got there, he was standing stiff as a board, out in the middle of the cow paddock.

I yelled out to him, and asked what he was doing standing out there all still and straight. He replied that he was trying to win a Noble Peace prize. I said, "Well, that's great, but what are you doing in the paddock?"

He replied, "I was reading the newspaper, and it said all you had to do to win the Noble Peace prize was to be outstanding in your field."

Did you hear about the blonde that was arrested for shoplifting shoes from K-Mart?
They caught him just as he was hopping out the front door.
(U.S. K-Mart marketing note: pairs of shoes are typically sold connected together by a short string.)

Did you hear about the blonde who was shopping in Macy's when the power went out?
She was trapped for three hours on an escalator.
That was my wife. Incidently, she brought the escalator home with her. (She'll buy anything marked down!)

A blonde goes to get her hair cut. The hair stylist cuts for about 30 minutes, hands the blonde a mirror and asks, "How do you like it?" The blonde says, "It's okay, but could you make it just a little longer on the back?"

A professor invented a lie detecting chair. Whenever anybody sitting in it told a lie, the chair would open up and dump the liar on the floor.

During an experiment, a brunette sat in the chair and the professor asked her to tell about herself.

She began, "I think you are the best teacher I've ever had."
The chair immediately dumped her on the floor.

After the brunette left in a snit, a blonde sat in the chair. The professor asked him to tell something of his life.

He began, "I think -"
The next thing he knew, he was sitting in the floor.

A blonde's house is on fire when she pulls up to her residence in the country. From her cell phone, she calls the fire department in a panic. The dispatcher tells her to settle down; they need to know how to get to her house. The blonde replies, "Duh, in your big red fire truck."

A dumb blonde was bragging about his knowledge of the state capitals.
He proudly said,"go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."
A redhead said, "O.K., what's the capital of Wisconsin?"
The blonde replied, "Oh, that's easy - 'W'."