1. Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
    A: Gifted!

  2. Q: How do blonde braincells die?
    A: Alone.

  3. Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
    A: Pregnant.

  4. Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
    A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.

  5. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
    A: Artificial intelligence.

  6. Q: How does a blonde part their hair?
    A1: (Action of scissoring legs apart)
    A2: By doing the splits.

  7. Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
    A: Because they can't even keep two calves together!

  8. Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?
    A: Nothing. They've never met.

  9. Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
    A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!

  10. Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
    A: After a dye job.

  11. Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
    A1: She'd just dyed her hair.
    A2: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.

  12. Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
    A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.

  13. Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
    A: You can park in the handicap zone.

  14. Q: What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievment?
    A: An IN-body experience!

  15. Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?
    A: They both get fucked up when they're on their back.

  16. Q: What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a
    recent car crash) and a blonde have in common?
    A: Put either of 'em in a car and their fucked.

  17. Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
    A: Humpme Dumpme.

  18. Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
    A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

  19. Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
    A: Shine a torch in her ears.

  20. Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
    A: It takes too long to retrain them.

  21. Q1 How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
    A: There's white-out on the screen.

    Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
    A: There's writing on the white-out.

  22. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
    A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.

  23. Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
    A: You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.

  24. Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?
    A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.

  25. Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
    A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!

  26. Q: How do you kill a blonde?
    A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.

  27. Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?
    A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.

  28. Q: Why don't blondes eat Jello?
    A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.

  29. Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head?
    A: All you can eat, under a buck.

  30. Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?
    A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.

  31. Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas?
    A1: They can't find the zipper.
    A2: They cant find the pull tab.

  32. Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?
    A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.

  33. Q: Why do blondes where big hoop earrings?
    A: To put their feet through.

  34. Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
    A: Her ankles.

  35. Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
    A: Because red means stop.

  36. Q: Why do blondes wear red lipstick?
    A: Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."

  37. Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
    A: By the lipstick on your cucumbers.

  38. Q: Why don't blondes use vibrators?
    A: They chip their teeth.

  39. Q: Why do blondes wear underwear?
    A: They make good ankle warmers.

  40. Q: What do blondes do for foreplay?
    A: Remove their underwear.

  41. Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?
    A: Cause their balls show!

  42. Q: What's the mating call of the blonde?
    A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"

  43. Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
    A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"

  44. Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing?
    A: She was run over by the zambonis machine.

  45. Q: What's a brunette's mating call?
    A: Has that blonde gone yet?
    A2: When is that blonde bitch going to leave!?
    A3: "All the blondes have gone home!"

  46. : Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs?
    A: Because they can spell it.

  47. Q: Why do blondes like the GST? (GST -- Goods and Services Tax now in effect in Canada)
    A: Because they can spell it.

  48. Q: What is 74 to a blonde?
    A: 69 plus G.S.T.

  49. Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
    A: Toes Go In First.

  50. Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
    A: Tits Go In Front.

  51. Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
    A: An interpreter.

  52. Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
    A: A mental block.

  53. Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
    A1: Blow in her ear.
    A2: Buy her another beer.

  54. Q: What do you say to a blonde that won't give in?
    A: "Have another beer."

  55. Q: What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning?
    A: Pack their lunch and send them to work.

  56. Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
    A1: Introduces themself.
    A2: Walks home.

  57. Q: How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?
    A: Fertilized.

  58. Q: How does a blonde like her eggs?
    A: Unfertilized.

  59. Q: What's the first thing a blonde does after sex?
    A: Opens the car door.

  60. Q: How do blondes turn the light on after sex?
    A: Kick open the car door.

  61. Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering?
    A: More head room.

  62. Q: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?
    A: More leg room.

  63. Q: What is the worst thing about sex with a blonde?
    A: Bucket seats.

  64. Q: What do blondes say after sex?
    A1: "Thanks, Guys!"
    A2: "Are you boys all in the same band?"
    A3: Do you guys all play for the "team name?"
    A4: Who were all those guys?

  65. Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?
    A: Because everybody gets a turn.

  66. Q: Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
    A: Because she's been laid all over the country.

  67. Q: What important question does a blonde ask her mate before having sex?
    A: Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?

  68. Q: Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm?
    A: *Who cares?*

  69. Q: Why do blondes have orgasms?
    A: So they know when to stop having sex!

  70. Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm?
    A1: She drops her nail-file!
    A2: Who cares?
    A3: She says, "Next".
    A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder.
    A5: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes.
    A6: I mean, who really cares?
    A7: The batteries have run out.

  71. Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
    A: "Thanks for the refill!"

  72. Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear?
    A: Data transfer.

  73. Q: Why do blondes use tapons with extra long strings?
    A: So the crabs can go bungee-jumping.

  74. Q: How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
    A: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.

  75. Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag) ?
    A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"

  76. Q: Why do blondes have more fun?
    A1: Because they don't know any better.
    A2: They are easier to keep amused.

  77. Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
    A1: "What's a lightbulb?"
    A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
    A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"

  78. Q: What's a blonde's favourite wine?
    A: "Daaaddy, I want to go to Miaaami!"

  79. Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?
    A: A wine cellar.

  80. Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes?
    A: Peroxide.

  81. Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?
    A: They're doing research on black holes.

  82. Q: What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common?
    A1: They both have a black box.
    A2: Both have a cockpit.

  83. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a 747?
    A: Not everyone has been in a 747.

  84. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine?
    A: Not everybody has been in a limo.

  85. Q: What does a blonde say when she gives birth?
    A: Gee, Are you sure it's mine?

  86. Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
    A: "Are you sure it's mine?"

  87. Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
    A: A wind tunnel.

  88. Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
    A: A dope ring.

  89. Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart
    blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill.
    Who picks it up?
    A1: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus,
    the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.
    A2: None of them. There is no such thing as Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy
    or a smart blonde and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper.

  90. Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
    A: To see what was on the other side.

  91. Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you?
    A: Pull the pin and throw it back.

  92. Q: Why do blondes take the pill?
    A: So they know what day of the week it is.

  93. Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
    A: Because it kept falling out.

  94. Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel?
    A: Because her boyfriend was also blond!

  95. Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?
    A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.

  96. Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
    A: Her IQ goes up!

  97. Q: What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde?
    A: A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.

  98. Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
    A: You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.

  99. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
    A: You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.

  100. Q: What is the difference between butter and a blonde?
    A: Butter is difficult to spread.


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