Why do blondes have more fun?
They are easier to keep amused.
How do you keep a blonde busy?
Write 'please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
Because it said "concentrate".
A2: Like he can read! Honestly!
How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
(I'll tell you tomorrow.)
How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
Give her a mirror and tell her to wait for the other person
to say 'hi'.
Why do blondes shower for hours?
The shampoo bottle says, "Lather, rinse, and repeat!"
How do you get a blonde to be quiet?
Say: "A penny for your thoughts."
Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
To turn the blinker off.
What does a blonde say when you ask him if the blinker is on?
It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.
What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
Bigfoot has been spotted.
What is the difference between Elvis and smart blondes?
Elvis has been sighted.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A Labrador retriever.
What do UFOs and smart blondes have in common?
You keep hearing about them, but never see any.
Santa, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are
walking along when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
None of them, three of them don't exist and the dumb blonde thought
it was a gum wrapper.
What did the blonde say when asked if he believed in smoking?
"Yes, I've seen it done."
Do blondes smoke after sex?
"Dunno, I never looked."
Why did the blonde take two hits of acid?
He wanted to go on a round trip.
Why did the blonde snort Nutra-Sweet?
He thought it was Diet Coke.
What do you call ten blondes standing around in a circle?
A dope ring.
How do you plant dope?
Bury a blonde.
What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
An air bag.
What do you call ten blondes standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel.
What do you call a blonde mother-in-law?
An air bag.
Why do blondes wear earmuffs?
To avoid the draft.
How do you change a blonde's mind?
Blow in his ear.
What do you call it when a blonde guy blows in a blonde girl's ear?
A data transfer.
How does a blonde measure his I.Q.?
He holds a tire gauge to his ear!
Why do blondes stick their heads out the window?
To re-fuel.
When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
When you have a tire pump to re-inflate it!
What do you call ten blondes at the bottom of the pool?
Air pockets.
What do you call fifty blondes in a swimming pool?
Air bubbles.
What's a blonde's favorite rock group?
Air Supply.
How can you tell if a blonde is a natural blonde?
Blow in her ear, if she's a natural blonde she starts to float.
Or: If you hear the wind whistling through her ears, you know she's
a natural blonde.
What's the difference between the following two sounds: A
punctured balloon and a blonde with a hole in his head?
None.
Did you hear about the blonde who went hot air ballooning?
He sat too close to the campfire.
Why does it take so long to build a blonde snowman?
You have to hollow out the head.
What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up.
What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A space invader.
What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain surgery
on a blonde?
"Space. The final frontier."
What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
The back of his head.
How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
Shine a flashlight in their ear.
What happened when the blonde got into the cab?
The driver kept the "vacant" sign up.
What do you call a bunch of blondes standing in an empty area?
A vacant lot.
Why don't blondes go bald?
Because the vacuum in their head holds the hair in.
Did you hear about the blonde who wore "Space for Rent" signs
as earrings?
What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for his thoughts?
Change.
What's the difference between a blonde and a shopping cart?
The shopping cart has a mind of its own.
What is a blonde doing when he holds his hands over his ears?
Trying to hold on to a thought.
What do you call a blonde with brain damage?
Normal.
Why are rectal thermometers banned for use in blondes?
They cause too much brain damage.
How do blonde brain cells die?
Alone.
What do you call blonde brain cells?
On loan.
Why are blondes immune to Mad Cow Disease?
It only affects the brain.
What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
Gifted!
Why is a blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
It swells at night.
Why is it so hard to find a blonde's brains?
You have to look very closely in his pants.
What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run like hell....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.
What do you do when a blonde throws a hand grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
They're too hard to peel.
What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
Proofreading.
Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
For throwing out the W's.
How do you confuse a blonde?
Ask him to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
Why does it work?
"Does 3 come before E, between M and W, or at the end?"
Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a
flat forehead?
Finger on chin - I don't know. Hits forehead - Oh I get it
How does a blonde high-five?
He smacks herself in the forehead.
Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
(With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!
How do you kill a blonde?
Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
How do blondes pierce their ears?
They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto
Maple Leafs?
She fell out of the tree.
How did the blonde break his leg raking leaves?
He fell out of the tree.
How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
Wave to him.
What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
Branch Manager.
How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
There's white-out on the screen.
How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
There's writing on the white-out.
Why do blondes use white-out on their computer screens?
They couldn't find their eraser.
What did the blonde think of the new computer?
He didn't like it because he couldn't get MTV.
What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
You only have to punch information into a computer once.
How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
There is a stamp on it.
Why was the blonde leery of an innuendo?
He thought it was an Italian suppository.
Why did the blonde law student keep failing his bar exam?
He thought an anti-trust suit was a chastity belt.
Why do blondes have big belly-buttons?
From dating blonde men.
Why was the blonde disappointed?
Because she found out that 'Phillips 14 inch' was a TV.
Why do blondes take the pill?
So they know what day of the week it is.
Why can't blondes use birth control pills?
They keep falling out.
Did you hear about the blonde who thought her typewriter was pregnant?
It was skipping periods.
Why did the blonde put ice in his condom?
To keep the swelling down.
Why did the blonde wear condoms on his ears?
So he wouldn't get Hearing Aides.
What did the blonde do when he discovered he had crabs?
He went to the beach to set them all free.
Why did the blonde make love in the microwave?
She wanted to have a baby in 9 minutes.
What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?
Pregnant.
What do you call a blonde with a brain?
Pregnant.
How do you get a blonde pregnant?
Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.
How do you get a blonde to marry you?
Tell her she's pregnant.
What will she ask you?
"Is it mine?"
What about the blonde guy whose wife gave birth to twins?
He wanted to know who the other man was.
What did they name the offspring of a blonde and a Puerto Rican?
Retardo.
Why does a blonde only change his baby's diapers every month?
Because it says right on it "good for up to twenty pounds."
Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?
Because he loved children.
I have a man I never could trust. Why, he cheats so much I'm not even
sure this baby I'm carrying is his.
Why did the blonde have a hysterectomy?
She wanted to stop having grandchildren.