Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
How do you recognize a blonde at a car wash?
He's the one on his bike.
What do you call four blondes in a Volkswagon?
Far-from-thinkin'.
Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
You can park in the handicap zone.
Did you hear about the blonde that almost caused a car accident?
The spare tire in his trunk blew out.
How does the blonde car pool work?
They all meet at work at 7:45.
Why do blondes drive BMWs?
Because they can spell it.
What did the blonde do when he heard that 90% of accidents occur within five miles of home?
He moved ten miles away.
Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
In case she locks the keys in her car.
Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on his back?
From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".
Why did the blonde cross the road?
I don't know.
Neither did he.
Or: He wanted to see the geese because he heard honking!
What goes "Vroom...screech...vroom...screech...vroom...screech?"
A blonde at a flashing red light.
Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of
their Mercedes with a coat hanger:
Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting
to rain and the top is down!
Why did the blonde ask his girlfriend to squeeze his left testicle?
Because the road sign said 'Squeeze Left'.
A policeman pulled a blonde over after he'd been driving the wrong
way on a one-way street.
Cop: Do you know where you were going?
Blonde: No, but whatever it is, it must be bad since everyone's leaving.
A blonde sees a freight train coming and speeds up to beat it across the tracks.
The investigator at the scene of the accident wrote on his report,
"Some idiot, racing to beat the train, died when he hit the caboose."
Blondes don't worry about flat tires because, as they reason... "Heck it's only flat on the bottom. If I need to go somewhere, I'll just drive on the top half."
What do you call 3 blondes, a chimp, and another blonde standing on a street corner?
4 bucks, 4 bucks, 4 bucks, not for a zillion bucks, 4 bucks!
How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
He threw it off a cliff.
Why did God give blondes 2% more brains than horses?
Because he didn't want them pooping in the streets during parades.
What is the difference between a dead blonde in the road, and a dead skunk in the road?
There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
What do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla?
Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do.
What does a blonde owl say?
What, what?
What did the blonde name his pet zebra?
Spot.
How was the blonde killed at the pie eating contest?
A cow stepped on his face.
Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
Why didn't the blondes go to the movies on one buck night?
They couldn't fit a deer into the car.
Why are there no dumb brunettes?
Peroxide.
What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brunette?
Artificial intelligence.
What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
An interpreter.
What do you call a good-looking brunette guy in between two blonde guys?
An interpreter in need of an immediate rescue.
What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A mental block.
If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?
The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
Or: The brunette. The blonde is such an airhead.
Why did the blonde dye her hair brunette?
She thought it would help her get a higher score on the SAT.
A bleached blonde and a natural blonde were on top of the Empire State Building. How do you tell them apart? The bleached blonde
would never throw bread to the helicopters.
What did the blonde say when she knocked over a Ming vase?
"It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."
How does a blonde commit suicide?
She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.
What did the blonde get on her A.C.T.?
Nail polish!
What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll?
About two cans of hair spray.
Why do blondes wear their hair up?
To catch as much as they can that goes over their heads.
What happened to the suicide blonde?
She dyed by her own hand.
What can save a dying blonde?
Hair transplants.
Did you hear about the new form of birth control for blondes?
They take off their makeup.
Did you hear about the blonde who brought her cosmetics with her for
a make-up exam?
What did the blonde say when someone blew in her bra?
Thanks for the refill.
Why do blondes have square breasts?
Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.
What do blondes eat to increase their breast size?
Silicone chips.
How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
He has a checkbook.
Why do blondes like lightning?
They think someone is taking their picture.
How do you drive a blonde crazy?
Hide their hair brush!
Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
He didn't want it the wind to mess up his hair.
Did you hear about the new epidemic among blondes?
It's called MAIDS - if they don't get one, they die.
What did the blonde say when he opened the box of Cheerios?
"Oh, look! Doughnut seeds!"
Why don't blondes eat pickles?
Because they can't get their head in the jar.
Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
From eating with forks.
How did the blonde burn his nose?
Bobbing for french fries.
Did you hear about the blonde that ate rocky mountain oysters?
She was dragged 200 yards.
What did the blonde do when her doctor told her she had sugar
in her urine?
She peed on her corn flakes.
Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
Why don't blondes like buttered toast?
They can't figure out which side the butter goes on.
Why do blondes always drink with straws?
Practice.
Why did the blonde keep a empty carton of milk in the fridge?
In case he wanted black coffee.
Why shouldn't blondes be given coffee breaks?
It takes too long to retrain them.
How did the blonde die drinking milk?
The cow fell on her.
Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar?
He heard that the drinks were on the house.
What did the blonde say to the physicist?
"Why, I just love nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"
How does a blonde kill a fish?
He drowns it.
How did the blonde die ice fishing?
He was run over by the zamboni.
What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimer's disease?
His I.Q. goes up!
What did the blonde get on his I.Q. test?
Drool.
What do you call a blonde golfer with an I.Q. of 125?
A foursome.
What's five miles long and has an I.Q. of forty?
A blonde parade.
Why did the blonde bake a chicken for three and a half days?
It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125.
Why can't blondes make ice cubes?
They always forget the recipe.
Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
Because they can't fit eight cups of water in the little packet.
Why don't blondes double recipes?
The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.
What does a blonde make best for dinner?
Reservations.
Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
He wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
Why was the blonde housewife mad at her husband?
He was out shooting craps and she didn't know how to cook them.
What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blonde hair?
Last year's Hide and Seek winner.
How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
One.