Top Ten Ways to Be an annoying Usher:

  1. Insist on a pants-free environment.

  2. Offer guests the opportunity to be included in your plans for world domination.

  3. Offer your "services" to all guests.

  4. Pretend you are the Phantom of the Opera. Lurk in the shadows when time permits.

  5. Urinate in front of each row you are about to open up. Make comments about marking your territory.

  6. "March" down the aisle and speak with a German accent as you show people to their seats.

  7. Insist on frisking all female guests. Body cavity searches are optional.

  8. Two words: "Bathroom Key"

  9. SQUEEZE as many people as you can in each row before opening up the next one. We're going for efficiency here.

  10. Show up drunk. I mean REALLY drunk.


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